Cause of death: Face Time

I recently received a Safety Reminder from the Campus Police at my school...there were several disturbing things in this e-mail.

One suggests that the urban legends you heard growing up about the creep waiting for you in your backseat are true:

 Park in lighted areas.  Try to arrange to walk to your vehicle with someone or in a group and always have your keys in your hand prior to approaching your vehicle.  Check the interior of the vehicle before opening the door.  In the event you feel uneasy about walking to your vehicle alone, contact the Campus Police for an escort.

They TOLD you to park in a lighted area!!

 There was also a police report about thefts in the area showing that some people are wise and want to live, while others are willing to die for apple products.

On Tuesday, November 15, 2011 at 10:15 a.m., a robbery occurred on the unit block of _____ Ave.  The victim stated that he was walking with his headphones on ___ Ave. approaching Shittty College when a suspect grabbed him from behind and pointed a knife to his throat.  The suspect demanded the victim’s I phone.  The victim complied and suspect then fled.

First of all I would like to point out that the assailant was very motivated at a semi-early hour and very bold to rob someone at knife point at 10:15 am aka broad daylight. Secondly I commend the victim for giving up his iphone, it would probably scare the shit out of someone if you facetimed them while semi-decapitated. 

On Thursday, November 17, 2011 at about 10:16 p.m., a robbery occurred at the MUNI turn around). The victim stated that she had her I phone in her right hand, while walking from the MUNI to Shitty College.  The victim said that the suspect approached her, pointed a handgun, and demanded the victim’s phone. The victim refused to hand over her phone.  The suspect then grabbed the victim’s right arm and took the phone out her hand.  

...Umm DUH. If he's willing to hold you up at gunpoint for an iphone and you're not going to comply having that shit get took out your hand is fucking LUCKY. People are fucking CRAZY stupid about their iphones, willing to risk your life to finish your text?

This Versus...

And I don't think there's an App for that.

You may have already guessed it but both suspects are black males, average height, average weight in their 20s and were wearing hoodies and jeans..,so keep your eyes peeled for at least 25% of the student body and make sure to mase anyone who is walking too closely behind you!!