Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Television retardation



So although yesterday and today were two very different days they ended in practically the same exact way… absolute vegetative state with the boyfriend watching comedy specials (weather they were intended to be or not) on TV to the point of not being able to muster the brain to vocal power to grunt out a version of laughter. Now I’m sure you know the old wives tale claimed that’s relayed as scientific fact that a person has less brain activity while watching tv than it does while sleeping. I call bullshit on this! I would like to know how this could be so when I’m watching an episode of Forensic Files and I’m figuring the case out with the detectives as they go? Or what about when I’m watching Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune and winning in my own living room (because my brain is so ALERT I’m firing off the answers at a rapid pace!)? What about when I’m calculating in my head how the three easy payments add up to be for a shake weight while simultaneously thinking of where my phone is to call the toll free number now?? And what about when I’m psychoanalyzing the guests on Dr. Phil? Don’t you dare tell me that I’m barely conscious while I’m powering through these challenges from the comfort of my couch! But this evening was an exception to my way of thinking, I did in fact watch television to the point of being retarded.

The only fun in the day was my lunch with Ru and Thinmint discussing techniques to use while giving fellatio (which would be inappropriate lunch conversation in public but we were the only patrons in the little restaurant we were at) over our Thai food.






 It is always a trip to go out on a dining experience with Ru Williams because he is the most demanding patron, he turns into a Super Queen with super expectations and the poor dear doesn’t realize it! His tone has a sense of expectation like he’s Donald Trump. He also loves to edit the menu to his liking much to the confusion of Sin Yu who doesn’t understand his requests. As soon as they try to jack up the price (legitimately) for him adding kobe beef instead of regular he gets a disgruntled, ghettoisha. The poor dear doesn't even realize he's doing it!! Which is exactly why its so fucking hilarious to make fun of him for it, because then he gets all embarrassed and huffy and puffy and pouty.  I love my friend dearly, but I had to put my head down in shame when he asked the wait staff at The Cheesecake Factory to warm up the butter for our bread [they replied "Well it comes out of the fridge before we bring it to your table...but uhh we'll see what we can do..."]. Meanwhile Thinmint acts like the most sincerely thankful diner in the world, she apologizes for any possible inconvenience that may arise, followed by a Thank you and an offering for her first born child if they happen to do her the favor of bringing extra napkins or salt. I just enjoy my meal, say thanks, drink lots of refills and leave a decent tip.

When I finally got home it was unwind time, snuggling with the boo, hittin the vape and watching Daniel Tosh’s new stand up special Happy Thoughts which was apparently filmed right here in San Francisco! We were a little outraged we missed out on the fun. We also watched a rerun of the Joan River’s roast and to me a somehow missed episode of True Life: The Theriot family.


 My best friend back home Winter is an avid daytime TV watcher, actually make that 24 hour TV watcher…her family constantly has the boob tube on, I think it only ever goes off if they’re out of town or the power is out. She has a mental catalogue of the True Life series, complete with bios of the featured characters and the best quotes. I haven’t inquired with her yet but if anyone knew about this episode before I did it would definitely be her. Perhaps they re-ran this episode due to the fact that its Mardi Gras and this episode featured a family of teenagers who live in the Bayou and party as hard or harder than the Jersey Shore cast. The family is a walking talking example of white trash. They get crunk with their parents, the daughters sleep in one room on some crazy huge pull out bed, they wrestle in horse shit in their barn, they ride around in the back of trucks as transportation…its all wild and hilarious. You must see: True Life | The Theriot Family: The Riot In The Bayou | My Mom Hates My Boyfriend

Two of my favorite quotes come from the brother in the family, in reference to wrestling in manure he said “We don’t mind, it’s just like dirt to us” and to his girlfriend who wanted to know his back up plan in case he didn’t make it as a big time bull rider he said something to the effect of “Yea I have a back up plan, I want a realistic job too…something like ACE hardware”.  I hope he means he wants to own and operate one otherwise I’m not quite sure about his life’s plan, but this did come out of the mouth of an individual who got a giant bull head tattooed across his chest complete with a cowboy hat hanging off one of it’s horns.




No comments:

Post a Comment